The Song of Solomon is a book that is often overlooked for a variety of reasons.  Likely the main reason is its content.  It is a book(song) that tells a love story, sometimes using some of the most graphic language in scripture.  This can make it an uncomfortable topic to discuss for many, but this should not be the case.  The only reason something in God’s word should make us uncomfortable is when it reveals sin in our lives.  When we, as individuals, are uneasy about something we read in the Song of Solomon or anything else of a similar nature in the Bible, we need to realize that our discomfort is in conflict with God’s word.  God’s word is not the problem . . . we are the problem.  And we will need to work our way through that discomfort.

The other main reason the Song of Solomon is not often mentioned is that the song does not include any obvious doctrinal teaching or any history to draw on.  Books like Deuteronomy help us to understand the travails that God’s people experienced while wandering the wilderness.  Epistles in the New Testament help us to understand some of the problems that the early church experienced, as well as being a source of great encouragement.  The Song of Solomon, on its surface, does not help us with any of these types of issues.  Instead, it is a book of poetry/wisdom, similar to Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Job.  It does not contain the history, teaching and prophecy of Psalms.  It does not contain the common sense advice of Proverbs or Ecclesiastes.  It does not contain the look into why bad things happen to good people like the book of Job.  By contrast, it is a singular, romantic love story the likes of which you would expect to find in a romance novel; yet it is so much more than that.

Understanding Her Point

Most of the Song of Solomon is a discourse(albeit in song) between a young woman(“lover”) and a man(her “beloved”).  On three separate occasions(2:7; 3:5; 8:4), the young woman warns the women of Jerusalem(basically, her girlfriends) not to stir up or awaken love until they are ready.  [Note:  Since a woman is making this point to other women, I am going to limit this discussion to the woman’s perspective almost exclusively.]  The young woman understands that physical love(i. e. sexuality) is not something to be trifled with.  It is not causal or something that can be hastily put back into a box(i. e. “turned off”).  It is intentionally intense, and it is something that is also supposed to be long-term.  For this reason, she warns other young women(sometimes referred to as the daughters of Jerusalem) not to stir up love until it is ready, or more correctly, not until they are ready.

Any married couple understands exactly what this young woman is talking about.  Sexual intercourse between a husband and wife is an intense experience.  It causes a cacophony of feelings and emotions and desires(and even hormones) to be unleashed.  Once unleashed, there is no putting them back in the box.  It is important to understand that she is not talking about some cheap, one-night stand.  She is talking about something that takes place within the bounds of a committed relationship(i.e. marriage).  It is both intense and long-term.

When a woman has sexual intercourse, her body releases a hormone called oxytocin, which actually promotes a type of bonding with her partner.  That’s right.  Sex actually bonds a woman to her partner.  [In case you are wondering, the same thing happens when a man ejaculates, although his body also releases other hormones as well.]  In today’s casual sex world, this is terrible for a woman.  If she has sex with a variety of men, her own body is trying to bond with each man.  And the more often she does this(meaning with a greater variety of men), the more difficult it will be for her to actually bond with a man later in life.  Since God made us, it seems pretty obvious that this hormone was intentional.  God wants a woman to bond with a man when she has intercourse with him.  And if this occurs within the bond of marriage, it makes even more sense, as she is being more and more bonded to her husband.  She might not know why, but it is happening, and this is a good thing.  This strengthens their relationship.

Getting back to the woman in the Song of Solomon, it now makes even more sense why she is warning her girlfriends not to awaken love until they are ready for it.  If this bonding is going to take place, then they need to make sure that they are ready for it.  It is not something casual, because even if she thinks it will be casual, it won’t.  Her own body will not allow it to be casual.

You may have heard the expression, “Don’t go to bed mad; just go to bed!”  The implication is that the couple should have sexual intercourse if they are upset with each other, and this will help to fix things.  I’m not going to suggest it is a panacea, but the fact that a “bonding” will take place between the two makes sense.  That bonding will help to alleviate the friction that previously existed.  Again, I am not suggesting you should use sex to fix all your marital problems.  It’s a little more complicated than that, but clearly it does help to alleviate some of the tension and also helps to restore and strengthen the bond between husband and wife.  Remember:  this is how God made us, so enjoy!