Failure isn’t something anyone enjoys.  And when we do fail, then what?  It has been said that we can learn more from our failures than our successes.  I agree.  When we succeed, I mean truly succeed, and everything is perfect, there isn’t anything to learn from.  But when we fail, we have the opportunity to look at our failure and try to learn from it.  But what about when we fail, and all we can see is the failure?  If we do not see how we could have improved, then what?

One day I was blessed with the opportunity to speak before a large number of Christians.  My task was to get people to be thinking about Jesus and His sacrifice for our sin.  This might sound pretty straightforward and easy to do, but I failed.  I did mention Jesus, and I did read a significant amount of scripture, but did I really get people focused on Jesus?  Unfortunately, my answer has to be “no.”  All I did was waste people’s time.  All I did was squander an excellent opportunity to speak to people about Jesus, something I had been looking forward to doing for months.

And it gets worse.  The people I was supposed to be prompting to think about Jesus and His sacrifice probably weren’t(I don’t know people’s hearts; some could have been thinking of Jesus in spite of my efforts).

Why did I fail?  I can honestly say that I don’t know why, which isn’t very comforting.  Was the subject matter inappropriate?  I don’t think so.  The subject matter was, in fact, perfect for its intended effect.

Was the interpretation of the material faulty?  I don’t think so.   I believe that my explanation of what the material meant was accurate.

Was the application of the material to our own lives somehow not on target?  Again, I don’t think so.  The material used applied perfectly to the lives we lead every day.

If none of the above were faulty, they why didn’t the thoughts I presented help people to think about Jesus and His sacrifice?  I still don’t know.  And I don’t know that I ever will, and therein lies the frustration.  If I don’t know what I did wrong, how can I fix it?  After all, the first step to solving any problem is knowing what the problem actually is.  If you don’t know what the problem is, how can you fix it?

Sometimes, maybe the solution is to just move along.  You failed at something.  There’s nothing you can do about it now.  What’s done is done.  But what about the future?

How do I avoid repeating the mistake(s) of the past?   Would I ever want to try again doing what I tried to do previously and failed?  If all I did was waste people’s time, what’s the point of doing that again?  Or to put it more bluntly, I shouldn’t ever do that again.

And what of other opportunities I have to help people learn more about Jesus?  What about teaching a class?  Would that be just one huge, colossal failure spread out over the course of weeks or months, instead of a singular event?  As bad as failing at a singular event is, failing over the course of months would be exponentially worse.

Is this all just a crisis of faith, not in God, but in myself?  Have I lost “it”?  Have I lost the ability to take a passage of scripture and explain it in such a way that people understand it better, including how it applies to themselves?  Is that gone?  Is it gone forever?  I don’t know.  But I do know that any attempt to teach a class for any period of time would be a huge risk, not to myself, but to those having to listen.  It is a risk I don’t think I am willing to put others at.  Those times that we have to sit down as God’s people and spend time together are precious.   It is a rare commodity more valuable than any “thing” you can find in this world.  I can’t see squandering that precious gift.  It would be far better for someone else to take that oh-so-precious time and make GOOD use of it.

Does this mean I will never teach another class?  Does this mean I will never get up in front of a group and try to get them to think about Jesus?  At least for now, I think the answer has to be “no.”  There are others that will be able to do it far better than I.  And it isn’t just a matter of “someone else can do it better than me,” but rather that everyone can do it better than me.

Until I feel confident that I CAN be a blessing and a benefit, there is no reason to take away from others the opportunity that would be better placed in the hands of others.

Does this mean I do absolutely nothing?  Certainly not!  I can at least assist others.  I can try to be a blessing to others by helping them in whatever endeavor they are working on.  We are not all apostles, prophets, elders, preachers, teachers, etc.  Some of us need to be helpers of those people.  That is what I will have to do from this point forward.

Will things change?  I can’t speak to the future.  I don’t know what will or will not happen.  All I know is what is.  And that is what I will have to deal with.  Today.  Yesterday is forever gone.  Tomorrow may never be.  But today, we must make the best of what we have.  That is what I will do.  That is all any of us ever can do.

[Note:  I wrote the above article in July of 2022.  Not much has changed this then.  I still feel the same way, except I have ventured into the arena of teaching.  I taught a class of younger children.  I enjoyed it, but at the end of the quarter, I had to question just how much good I did.  There was so much I wanted to do, but didn’t.  I’ve taught Bible classes on and off for over 30 years.  I have taught classes from adults to grade school kids.  I always felt I could have done better, but that comes with being a perfectionist.  This last class I taught for three months felt like I did some good, but could have done so much more good.  Any failings in that class were not the fault of the kids; they were great.  Any shortcomings were on me and only me.  With the new year, I now have an opportunity to teach that class again.  I’m hoping to build on my efforts from last year.  I’m hoping to learn from my shortcomings and overcome them, not just for my own sake, but for the sake of the kids in the class.   I have been asked by several people recently if I would ever again teach an adult Bible study class again.  It has now been over 4 years since I taught an adult class, and I have to be honest.  I don’t think I will ever be able to do that again.  Although I might be flattered at the requests, I can’t let my ego get in the way.  If I cannot communicate my thoughts effectively, I would only be wasting time and taking away from someone who actually could execute the task much better than I.  It’s not easy to admit failure when you are proud and think you can do just about anything.  But when it concerns things that are of the utmost import, an honest assessment of self is all-the-more crucial.  I plan to re-visit the subject in the future, but for now the path is obvious.  I will accept the lessons that my failures have taught me.  I will try to learn from them when I can.  I hope everyone else will attempt to do the same.]